When does it end?
Trying to keep your head up, keep on pushing, taking the hits over and over! All you hear is you’ll be fine, your strong keep going, but does it ever end? Am I selfish if I end it myself? Anyone thinking about me in all this? Or am I just lost? Am I not doing enough or giving enough?
At the end of an accomplishment, most would applaud you.. you would hear the achievement delivered in the sounds of their hands coming together, the embrace from the hugs and the proudness written among their faces and that’s the moment you realize you made it…but what if that never comes? What transpires when you reach the finish line and you never get the reward, the hugs, the congratulations, the smiles and the happy moments?
You keep going! You take the hit!
After so many years, I had to realize I would never get that, but I kept going….each accomplishment may not have been good for whom I wanted to be proud of me, but I had to realize I should be proud of myself and keep going because I made it when I never thought I could. I longed for the days, I’d see a smile on someones face, receive their warm embrace and hear the words of approval, I had finally made them proud...... but that day will never come for me!
My accomplishments were no longer an award on a shelf but a brick in a bag, I carry with me each day. The weight is heavy, and with each milestone I attempt to accomplish and achieve, I’m adding more and more weight to the load I carry along with me every day. These are suppose to be trophies of achievement not bricks of disappointment, this is supposed to be an award not a burden. This weight has made it so hard for me to keep going, I long for someone to help carry the weight or turn my bricks back into trophies but that day may never come.
But I keep going…..
I keep going because somewhere out there, someone is struggling with this like me, ready to give up, throw in the towel, and I want you to know I'm with you, I know you are there, I know you exist, I know you are tired! I may not be able to turn my bricks into trophies but I will turn yours into them for you! You deserve that moment even though mine may never come!
You are stronger than you ever imagined, unload your bricks and turn them into a reminder that you made it, you did it and they may not be proud but you should be and I am proud you tried and never gave up!
So keep going!